It's 11:34pm in DC and while I wish I was sleeping, these thoughts are keeping me from doing so.
In a relationship, I will always need to be led. Not that I can't make my own decisions, but because I'm more comfortable being taken care of. That doesn't come off sounding healthy because the sentence does not clearly depict what I mean. I could try to explain, but I don't know if it wouldmake sense.
Until I know where I stand in any type of relationship, be it personal, professional, I am very timid and quiet. I adore uber nice people and don't understand those who have snarky attitudes or those who speak before they think. I'm also very, very sensitive. I don't respond to rude jokes and will not engage in an argument unless I truly believe I need to (which isn't often). I get upset entirely too easily. The only people who know the real me are my immediate family and my significant other. I believe that not many people would be able to handle the real me. Again, I don't like rude people.
Anyway...
Put me in a nail salon and I'm the first to speak up and to inform clients of the latest nail and beauty trends, anything beauty related. I kind of miss it, but I will get back into the world of cosmetology in a few years. I love love love being able to speak confidently about a subject I know so much about. I truly have a passion for the world of cosmetology and I know one day I'll open my own salon and be wildly successful. I have seen how to run and how NOT to run a salon and have it all planned out in my mind.
In my current job, it's a whole new ball park. I've never been in such a formal work environment and I sometimes find it hard to cope. I find it hard to sit at a desk all day. When I turn around all I see are partitions dividing the office into mini cubicles. I thrive on building personal relationships with clients and while I have many people I work with on a daily basis, there is not much personal relationship building. I would much rather see a client face to face than to spend most of my time corresponding by e-mail. I can do it, but it gets mundane. I print out a lot of articles as staring at the computer screen for extended periods of times does horrible things to my attention span. I am not complaining by any means, but I'm sure most people can relate to how I feel.
My current job makes me feel that I'm giving to a project bigger than myself. A lot of people would love to have the opportunity to work where I do and to learn and see some of the things I have. I am proud to be a federal employee.
I knew if I could just get it all out I would be able to sleep and I feel like there's so much more to type, but the thoughts are not coming to me. Major run on sentence!
I hate the fact that I can't speak in front of a group of people. It terrifies me. I'm certain it's because I feel like a fake. If it's on a subject that I don't know much about or am not fully committed, I feel like I'm not giving it my all then it turns me into a mush ball of nerves. I've always had a hard time giving 100 to something I don't really like. Especially school. A lot of times I think I'll never graduate. I want to, but I feel like it's so hard to have to work as much as I do to pay bills and to focus on school. I hope I can work less soon so that I CAN focus on graduating.
I have so many thoughts that run through my head daily. I think I should write in this more often. It's kind of therapeutic.
Basically the points I wanted to get across:
I am more comfortable being in a relationship.
I love being a cosmetologist. It is my passion!
I don't like public speaking (even at team meetings).
School sucks.
I'm a big ball of emotions with too many thoughts.
I need to relax.
PS -
I think it's hard for me to cope at work at times because I'm so used to working in an environment filled with women. My job now, I work with more men than woman and I am not used to that. I feel very intimidated and it gets me flustered a lot. It's been a year and while it's gotten easier to work with a lot of men, it certainly is not easy.
In a relationship, I will always need to be led. Not that I can't make my own decisions, but because I'm more comfortable being taken care of. That doesn't come off sounding healthy because the sentence does not clearly depict what I mean. I could try to explain, but I don't know if it wouldmake sense.
Until I know where I stand in any type of relationship, be it personal, professional, I am very timid and quiet. I adore uber nice people and don't understand those who have snarky attitudes or those who speak before they think. I'm also very, very sensitive. I don't respond to rude jokes and will not engage in an argument unless I truly believe I need to (which isn't often). I get upset entirely too easily. The only people who know the real me are my immediate family and my significant other. I believe that not many people would be able to handle the real me. Again, I don't like rude people.
Anyway...
Put me in a nail salon and I'm the first to speak up and to inform clients of the latest nail and beauty trends, anything beauty related. I kind of miss it, but I will get back into the world of cosmetology in a few years. I love love love being able to speak confidently about a subject I know so much about. I truly have a passion for the world of cosmetology and I know one day I'll open my own salon and be wildly successful. I have seen how to run and how NOT to run a salon and have it all planned out in my mind.
In my current job, it's a whole new ball park. I've never been in such a formal work environment and I sometimes find it hard to cope. I find it hard to sit at a desk all day. When I turn around all I see are partitions dividing the office into mini cubicles. I thrive on building personal relationships with clients and while I have many people I work with on a daily basis, there is not much personal relationship building. I would much rather see a client face to face than to spend most of my time corresponding by e-mail. I can do it, but it gets mundane. I print out a lot of articles as staring at the computer screen for extended periods of times does horrible things to my attention span. I am not complaining by any means, but I'm sure most people can relate to how I feel.
My current job makes me feel that I'm giving to a project bigger than myself. A lot of people would love to have the opportunity to work where I do and to learn and see some of the things I have. I am proud to be a federal employee.
I knew if I could just get it all out I would be able to sleep and I feel like there's so much more to type, but the thoughts are not coming to me. Major run on sentence!
I hate the fact that I can't speak in front of a group of people. It terrifies me. I'm certain it's because I feel like a fake. If it's on a subject that I don't know much about or am not fully committed, I feel like I'm not giving it my all then it turns me into a mush ball of nerves. I've always had a hard time giving 100 to something I don't really like. Especially school. A lot of times I think I'll never graduate. I want to, but I feel like it's so hard to have to work as much as I do to pay bills and to focus on school. I hope I can work less soon so that I CAN focus on graduating.
I have so many thoughts that run through my head daily. I think I should write in this more often. It's kind of therapeutic.
Basically the points I wanted to get across:
I am more comfortable being in a relationship.
I love being a cosmetologist. It is my passion!
I don't like public speaking (even at team meetings).
School sucks.
I'm a big ball of emotions with too many thoughts.
I need to relax.
PS -
I think it's hard for me to cope at work at times because I'm so used to working in an environment filled with women. My job now, I work with more men than woman and I am not used to that. I feel very intimidated and it gets me flustered a lot. It's been a year and while it's gotten easier to work with a lot of men, it certainly is not easy.
